Captain America: Civil War review, AKA Marvel’s most masturbatory movie yet

(And while jacking off may feel good in the moment, it can have messy consequences.)

 

Going into Civil War, I had reasonable expectations and a decent amount of excitement.

 

Captain American: Civil War is a two-fold experience for me. If I approach it with my brain completely turned off, then it’s a surprisingly fun action movie with lots of great character moments, a solid bad guy and is a worthwhile entry as one of the better “episodes” of the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

 

Then again…

 

If I decide to turn on my brain to use even a modicum of thought, the film decreases in value, with that balance tipping the more I critically analyze the film. Even through a critical lens, here’s my general breakdown (SPOILERS):

 

Good

1. The characters are well-established at this point; I particularly like Tony Stark’s PTSD and the budding relationship between Vision and Scarlet Witch
2. Introductions: Black Panther had arguably the best introduction in the movie, as his arc worked very well. Zemo also was a great new introduction as a villain with much more personal motives than just world destruction, global domination, etc. As for the biggest new character, Spider-man is definitely a scene stealer, but more on him below
3. The big action scenes: there were two great action set pieces – 1) the much hyped airport fight and 2) the ending (but what about the other action scenes? See below)
4. Humor: Civil War’s humor is good, but has some flaws (again, see below)

 

Not so good

1. Self-reflection and themes: I really enjoyed that Civil War went a bit meta to discuss the state of the MCU thus far, calling out the previous movies and their rampant destruction – it asks the characters (and the viewers) how do we deal with the consequences of our actions when our actions often have negative consequences? The film unfortunately ends up becoming more of the same, with resolutions only occurring via action. Yes, it’s an action movie, but Civil War was so close to actually having a message.
2. Themes part 2 – Politics: I like that the film raises the question on regulation, but it does not answer it or come close to answering it. Perhaps it was simply to spawn debate amongst the crowd, but come on, you’re a big giant movie, say an answer, because there is one and the film wasn’t close to touching it (hint: it’s inbetween, leaning much closer to Team Cap; more on that below).

 

Bad

1. Emotion is the driving force: There is such little actual thinking in this movie it’s mind boggling. No character at any point stops to actually think about their actions, nor do they consult anyone. Everyone has already formed their opinions, based on their emotions, then they just… go. A genius mind like Tony Stark’s can’t think to discuss the idea of registration? Nobody wants to board out the pros and cons? Nobody realizes there are other options? Civil War is maybe one of the best examples in film of either super incompetent powerful people or powerfully incompetent super people.
2. The plot: Speaking of the above, while the characters are mostly OK (or at least in line with previous depictions), the characters are only behaving the way they are to service the plot and story Marvel and the Russo brothers want to tell. Tony Stark may get some leniency due to his PTSD, but that’s weakly touched upon. Black Widow could have been great, but just does what Black Widow does. Again, nobody talks things out or thinks things through. It’s all in service of the action. There is such little growth and solid character arcs (save for Black Panther).
3. The tone: Is it trying to be exciting? Humorous? Mysterious? It touches on many different tones as it crosses genres (action, comedy, political thriller, satire/social commentary) and is definitely dark, but never actually commits to one and falls short of all by the end, because…
4. The pacing: Let’s be honest, this is one of the key areas where the film breaks down. The first act/third is great with its idea of exploring the reality of the Marvel movies thus far, regarding the actions of the Avengers (granted, it rings hollow because it doesn’t raise accountability of any other mass militia/global organization; but that’s a different story). Then, as they’re starting to touch on some good high-level ideas, it branches off to a lengthy Spider-man introduction. Yes, the scene is incredibly fun, but it’s so randomly out of place; more on that below. Then the big airport action to round out the middle, followed by getting back to the feud between the two main characters and revelation of the villain in the final act. While the first and third acts make sense, they are so derailed by the second act that it hurts the pacing significantly. Also, who’s story are we following – Captain America’s or Iron Man’s? Because the shift in focus is so awkward, with Iron Man really stealing the story come the credits.
5. Spider-man: Yes, he’s definitely a highlight and Tom Holland is now easily in the top two live-action Spider-men (Yes, I like Maguire; no, I didn’t care for Garfield), but his lengthy introduction detracts from the actual story and plot of the movie. Sure, he made the airport scene incredibly fun, but it once again raises the question of a character not stopping to think things through. Captain America pretty much calls this out and while Spider-man acknowledges it, HE DOESN’T ACTUALLY STOP TO THINK ABOUT HIS ACTIONS OR WHY HE’S FIGHTING. But he keeps fighting because fighting is both fun and funny, right? Last point, and Jesus Christ, Tony Stark brings a… 16 year old? To a fight with SUPERHEROES. People who’ve been fighting for years. The mother freaking Avengers. He brings a 6-months experienced teenager to a fight. What the actual fuck. Pure teenager fantasy malarkey which only highlights the maturity level and target audience of this movie.
6. Treatment of the villains: Really Marvel? This is the time you decide to shake things up and save a villain? Granted, I like Zemo, but really? Neither Red Skull nor Roman nor anyone else? I hope you have something nice in store. Also, once again you build up minor villains in a previous movie only to nonchalantly kill them off (Crossbones in this, Baron von Strucker in Ultron). You’re getting to be almost as bad at offing villains as George Lucas in Star Wars.
7. Scarlet Witch: While I liked her budding romantic relationship with Vision and don’t mind the plot of having someone confined to tow the political lines of safety (ours or theirs???), why make her so incompetent in the first place to toss a human explosive into a building? She launched Crossbones straight up – why send him sideways? Just WTF, so dumb. Again, a move to advance the plot.
8. The weight of it all: Once again, another movie comes and goes with little to no consequence. Sure, WarMachine is injured and The Avengers are fractured, but everything will be back to relative normal in a movie or two.

 

Civil War had such a great premise going in – to regulate superheroes or not. It’s such a smart move to discuss providing resolution and restitution for previous damage and even having the team conflicted on the method, but to have the answer to fighting and regulation be more fighting and wanton destruction? Bravo, Marvel. Then again, maybe they answer this in a future movie. Then again, it’ll probably be like Civil War, aka another chapter in the never ending saga of Marvel.

 

I wish the Marvel Cinematic Universe were more like the three Nolan Batman movies, where each one had unique themes and purpose, while still building out the world. With each passing Marvel movie, it just becomes more of a wankfest (Civil War was basically a Marvel orgy). And yet… I’m getting exhausted with watching the same anti-climactic movie over and over. I’m left with virtual blue balls, where I want the climax of Thanos and the Infinity Stones to finally come so we can move on to something else. Until then, Marvel continues to yank my chain.

 

But perhaps I’m expecting too much from pop culture. Perhaps I’m expecting too much for mainstream characters to have thought, to be challenged and actually grow in a movie. While I applaud the MCU for turning into a TV show, they’ve unfortunately become one where there’s a ton of filler with little actual payoff. If I wanted to watch Dragonball Z, I’d just watch the anime.

 

Here’s hoping Doctor Strange has some actual philosophy and growth. Let’s see superheroes do some actual good in this world for once.