For fun and per request from a friend, and as a "sequel" to this column, here are some quick assessments of the Disney Princess movies with regards to their messaging based on the Princes (apologies to my Disney fan friends):
Note: I haven't seen some of these movies in awhile, so these may be off...
Snow White - You only need two skills in life: singing and kissing. You don't need a name, though, but you do get to embrace your necrophilia. Also, be handsome.
Cinderella - Get her some shoes and you'll win her heart. Also, money and charm don't hurt. And be handsome.
Sleeping Beauty - Sometimes your parents can pick out a hottie for you, especially when you come from money. Also, use that money to learn how to use a sword, because you're going to have to fight to protect her. And be handsome.
The Little Mermaid - When the world is at your fingertips, you can wait for the right girl to come to you. Through song (avoid the silent ones). Also, use your money to learn boating. And be handsome.
Beauty and the Beast - It doesn't matter what you look like on the outside, as long as you have plenty of money and servants to help you find a pretty girl who sees the inner you. An inner you who is handsome (with money and servants... and a library).
Aladdin - Lie and manipulate your way to success, until it backfires and you realize being true to yourself is the way. Of course, getting REALLY lucky and having the support of Robin Williams certainly helps. Also, being cute is the poor man's handsome.
Pocahontas - When in doubt, Mel Gibson your way out
Mulan - Be a Man. You must be swift as a coursing river, with all the force of a great typhoon, with all the strength of a raging fire, yet mysterious as the dark side of the moon. Also, have no respect for women (unless they act like men (and kinda look like one)). And be handsome. And manly.
Princess and the Frog - Don't entirely remember... When you have money (or don't and pretend to), it's OK to be a manipulative, obnoxious and entitled brat and use women for your pleasure/survival. Also, be handsome.
Tangled - Eh... this is taking too long, so... work your way up the ladder of life, keep some secrets, be handsome.
Brave - N/A
Frozen - Be an evil conniving bastard who can sing, dance and has money, or be a total clown dimwit. Either way, have looks.
Moana - Be The Rock
Feedback is welcome in the comments.
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